10 Reasons Your Diet Won’t Work…& What To Do About It

On Friday evening I took part in a clammy brawl with a pair of skin-tight jeans in Topshop changing rooms, and lost. Consequently, I failed to post the second part of this entry at risk of sounding like a massive hypocrite. As I lay defeated in a heap on the cold tiled floor with the waistband choking my thighs, panting heavily with hair clinging to my sweaty face, I almost, very nearly, may have just for a fraction of a second, considered going on a diet.

 

 

I KNOW. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW. How on earth could I waddle home, pretend like nothing had happened, finish writing this piece about why diets are ABSOLUTELY USELESS, all the while feeling like a massive failure because I couldn’t quite manage to pull a pair of tiny jeans over my ass? Then I realised that they were a TEST! AHA!! And I point blank refused to give in to the overwhelming temptation to starve my way in to them. For the past three months I have rejected the diet culture entirely, and removed all restriction from my life. I am hands down the happiest I’ve been in a long time– no crazy fat burners, no prudently weighed out meal prepping, and absolutely no compulsive calorie counting or exhaustive food diaries. Clearing that headspace, which had previously been filled with nothing but thoughts of inadequacy, shame and anxiety, has allowed for some absolute miracles to happen! I’ve finally begun to find purpose beyond that burning desire to lose weight – an issue which I’d so wrongly placed at the very core of my existence. Dropping the irrational need to control absolutely everything that passes my lips has given me the time to concentrate on so many more important things. It has allowed me to truly start living. So many of us are wrapped up in concerns about our weight, and imprisoned by the viscous cycle that is the aforementioned ‘Dieting Triangle of Doom’ (See previous post), that we end up losing ourselves entirely. Restricting, starving, bingeing, crying, punishing, comparing, winging, passing up events for fear of feeling too ‘fat’, never being quite ‘good enough’. This paralyzing existence is the polar opposite of wholehearted, magnificently blissful, free living – and isn’t that the dream? For me, dieting is the equivalent of shuffling through life in a sodding straight jacket with duct tape over your mouth and tears in your eyes, all the while nodding your head and giving everyone the thumbs up, desperately trying to pretend that everything’s okay.

 

 

I genuinely dread the thought of looking back at my precious life and realising all I really cared about was a number on a scale. Argh! It’s not okay, it’s not fair on you, it’s not fair on your body, and it’s definitely not fair on your loved ones when you snap at them because you haven’t eaten since that Snack-A-Jack you so generously treated yourself to last Tuesday. So, after much soul searching, a lot of digging, and a very honest word with myself, I’ve come up with the top 10 reasons why dieting just doesn’t work for me, and the solutions I’m using to overcome them. Unlearning years upon years of conditioning, and undoing all those rules that have been so heavily drilled in to my subconscious is genuinely so hard. But I know many of us make the same mistakes, so I’m trusting that I may be able to shed some light on where you could be going wrong and inspire you to make some really wonderful changes too. I REALLY WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY, so I write this from the heart – and I truly, truly hope it can help you in one way or another.

 

 

Your mind is everything, so we must begin here. “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind that created them.”  You can thank my boy Alberto Einstein for this little gem. I’ve become pretty reliant upon this principal ever since discovering its wonderfully important meaning, and I frequently refer back to it in times of struggle. We’re starting here as this is a concept you must grasp before we can dive any further in to the reasons behind exactly why a life of yo-yo dieting is destined to flop. Let’s consider your weight loss journey from my least favourite corner of the Triangle of Doom. ‘The Guilt’.

“LORD ABOVE, I AM OBESE.” You howl with a face full of Quality Street. You glare at your outrageous Christmas belly as it spills abundantly over the waist band of your favourite reindeer pyjama bottoms. You’re met with that all too familiar impending sense of doom, and the harsh reality of gaining a whole 7lbs from one pretty impressive Boxing Day binge sends you in to a guilt-ridden frenzy. And so begins the diet.

 

 

Now, we’re already off to a terrible start. The initial thoughts which caused you to panic and subsequently plunge headfirst in to the latest over-glamorised diet craze, stem from a mind-set that’s polluted with thoughts of lack, fear of not being good enough, self-loathing and shame. And if your thoughts create your reality, we can see that by beginning your ‘weight-loss journey’ with the belief that you are not good enough, it’s only natural that you’d attract further feelings of inadequacy. Thus, no matter how much weight you manage to lose – you’ll always end up wanting to lose that little bit more. If you think you’re not good enough now – you never, ever will be. It’s a recipe for disaster. Excuse de pun.

Approach this situation from an entirely different perspective. Choose to adopt a brand new frame of mind. If you’re anything like me and have been yo-yo dieting and calling yourself ‘fat’ repeatedly for the past decade, then your usual frame of mind is doing you absolutely no favours. Let’s try doing the very opposite instead…Let’s approach this from a perspective of love, kindness, patience and forgiveness.

So, just take a deep breath. Look down at your belly and ask, “Alright belly. What you sayin’? I love you very much, and you do a great job of keeping me alive, but you’re not looking your best right now. How’s about we chill out on the over indulgence and make a team effort to be a little more careful about what we eat? Sound good?” It’s not the end of the world. There is no need to cry or swiftly come to the conclusion that you absolutely must starve yourself from this very moment on, and despite what you may believe, you aren’t all of a sudden worth any less than before you ate all 14 of those mince pies. There are plenty of far gentler ways to go about this that do not require torturing yourself. Understood?

Out flow all those thoughts of shame, and in pour the gentle feelings of forgiveness and love. Now, we’re off to a promising start.

 

 

So, you’re casually scrolling through Facebook when you stumble upon a photo-shopped ‘before and after’ image of Tracey from Burnley who lost 14 stone in a day. “Wow she looks fantastic. What’s this then? Juice Plus eh? Hmm.”

 

STOP RIGHT THERE. STOP IT. HELLO. YES YOU. STOP. NOW. HALT. If I could reach my arms through this computer screen and shake the life out of you I would. This is a brainwashing marketing ploy that preys on the weak, vulnerable and insecure, and then very convincingly promises a ‘brand new you’ in only 3 weeks’ time, all so you eagerly pour over half your months wage straight down the drain, for a glossy pamphlet and a box of sodding Slim-Fast milkshakes. Even with this awareness it’s s0 difficult to avoid buying into the bullshit, particularly if you’ve got a big event coming up and you must to fit in to that dress because that boy’s gonna be there and you need to look shit hot ASAP. I think we all know that struggle too well.

If you have Instagram I’m pretty sure you’ll have stumbled upon countless depressing images of young, incredibly slim girls with their effortless tans, wearing their teeny bikinis and straddling palm trees in the Bahamas whilst pointing to bags of Boo Tea’s ‘28 day Teatox’ as though it’s the holy grail of weight loss aids. Yup.  This seriously strong laxative tea is the most recent scam I’ve personally fallen for.

And does this allegedly mystical slimming potion do the trick? Sure, if your end goal is to have a flat stomach for all of one week after enduring an agonising stomach ache and far too much time with your pants round your ankles. Oh, and please be warned that if you do end up falling for this rip-off, (despite my best efforts to advise you against it) make sure to wrap up because its super laxative powers haven been proven to stop the pill from working. Google ‘Boo Tea baby’ and see for yourself. Personally, I’m unsure if pregnancy is the ideal route to weight loss.

 

Please don’t invest in faddy diet plans. These companies don’t care about you, they care about doing whatever it takes to make as much money as possible. Allow me to enlighten you, completely free of charge. You are paying to be manipulated, cheated and mislead. All that fancy packaging and the promise of a brighter future? Lies. If you want to throw your money at something that is guaranteed to fail in the long-term, be my guest. But please open your lovely eye balls and appreciate that you’re essentially trying to buy willpower and self-discipline, all for a temporary ‘solution’ that even the most focused and persevering person on the planet would struggle to tolerate for much longer than six months. In her wonderful book ‘How to Have Your Cake and Skinny Jeans too’ (An absolute must read for my fellow yo-yoers) Josie Spinardi states that, “Out of every 200 people who start a diet, only ten of them will successfully meet their weight-loss goals. Only ten of them! Out of those 10 people, only one of them will keep the weight off over time. That’s a failure rate of 99.5%. We would never rely on something with such dismal credentials in other areas of our lives. Let’s look at this objectively – if an airline had the same track records, would you fly with them?” Nope… no you wouldn’t.

 

I know, this sounds insane. Surely the harder you try, the more likely you are to succeed, right? We humans have this funny little way of believing that everything in this life must ‘come at a price.’ We have to sacrifice, struggle, and beat ourselves to death before accomplishing anything we consider to be remotely worthwhile. This is so absurdly wrong. Trying too hard will result in your entire LIFE being focused around your weight; counting calories, working out your micros and your macros, weighing out your bloody broccoli, obsessively measuring your hips and religiously checking your pedometer. It’s TOO MUCH; soul destroying, neurotic and totally unnatural. Not to mention, what you’re actually doing is the very opposite of having control. Whichever diet you’ve chosen is actually controlling you and the majority of your decisions. If you think frantically worrying about what on EARTH you’re going to order at Pizza Express for the works Christmas do, without breaking your carb-free diet, then you are far from in control. Stop being a prisoner! Relax! Your body will effortlessly find its way to your ideal and healthiest weight if only you would stop trying to interfere and let it.

 

 

Bodily functions such as breathing air in to your lungs, or the beating of your wonderful little heart, are involuntarily and subconsciously controlled by your brain. Even while you’re snoozing away…Incredible right? Have you ever stopped to think about your breathing, and found yourself panicking and struggling to take in enough air? The second you try to intervene with your natural breathing pattern, and overthink where your next breath is going to come from, the whole process begins to feel kinda strange and you end up feeling a little light-headed. Your body has an incredible intelligence that knows exactly how to keep you alive…all without a second thought from your conscious mind. In just the same way, your internal biological systems knowexactly how many calories you need for fuel in order to survive. What’s more, your body has an ideal naturally thin weight and is designed to be as lean as it possibly can – without any guidance from you at all! You have an inbuilt system of hunger, appetite, and satisfaction which takes care of all of this for you. By counting calories, depriving yourself and then subsequently bingeing, you are quite literally interfering with all of these natural processes and preventing them from doing their job. Which they’re pretty bloody good at.

 

Let go. Shift your focus. I’ve spent a looong time battling with my weight, but once or twice when I’ve been so caught up in other things such as travelling, getting a new job, starting a new relationship or focusing on the more important things in life, I’ve found myself to be ‘weirdly’ thin….for no apparent reason. I once genuinely booked myself a Doctor’s appointment, sat my skinny ass down on the chair and said, “Hi, I’ve actually lost about 14lbs without even trying and I’m worried I might be dying.” LOL. DYING. I’d spent so long assuming weight loss was the most difficult task in the world, that when I let go, put down the rule books, stopped trying so hard and allowed it to happen naturally because I was so distracted, I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I had my thyroids tested, bloods taken the lot. All because of my mistrust and lack of faith in nature. Obscene. Let go. Focus on other stuff. Get a new hobby. Figure out what it is you love, and go do that. You’ll return to your ideal weight without even thinking about it!

 

This is one of the main reasons behind why your diet just won’t work in the long-term. Restriction is all about psychology. Every ‘diet’ cuts something out. It labels certain foods as good, and certain foods as bad, and therefore allows these labels to determine how you feel about yourself – which gives food power over you, and we really, really don’t want that. Hear me when I say this… YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU CAN’T HAVE.

Let’s take for example, the realisation that you absolutely just have to split up with your boyfriend; you’ve had enough and your mind is made up. You decide that you’ll break the news tomorrow… Only he calls you that very night and breaks up with you first. SORRY WHAT?!

 

 

You no longer have the control, HE made the decision, and now you’re left desperately wanting him back…for no other reason than that you suddenly ‘can’t have him’. Same for food dude. If you tell yourself that crisps are off limits, those Chilli Heatwave Doritos are gonna laugh at you until you break out in a sweat and eventually give in to your ridiculous vow to never lick a crisp again. And, you won’t just eat a couple, or a standard one person sized packet. You’ll get your hands on one of those big ass family size sharing bags, rip it open, and inhale the lot. How silly. You’ve quite literally handed all your power over to the food you’re forbidden to touch.  This is important to know: Every single diet has an equal opposing binge. They cancel each other out. All that effort, and then all that guilt, for the same tedious results….and back to square one we go.

 

You are free. You are allowed to eat whatever the hell you choose. Own that power. If you want a Snickers, guess what? You can have one! Recognising this choice gives YOU the control, and removes the kryptonite effect surrounding whichever food group you’d previously ruled out.  Simply knowing that you are allowed to eat a Snickers, will naturally make you less inclined to want it. Plus, by allowing yourself to eat whatever it is you crave in moderation, you’ll escape those torturing feelings of restraint. If you’re at work and everyone’s gathered around eating birthday cake for Carol’s 30^th, and you’re stood there awkwardly nibbling a plum whilst desperately wishing you could eat the cake, you’re far more likely to get home feeling incredibly deprived and head straight to the fridge for a good old fashioned binge. It’s okay to give in to temptation every now and again, it gives you balance!

 

 

Rather than cutting out certain foods, try adding other foods. This is a POSITIVE way to change your habits. I’ve found that by focusing on introducing more plant based foods in to my diet, less of the sugary/crappy snacks manage to worm their way in… all as a by-product of ADDING MORE OF THE GOOD STUFF. Focus on adding, not on taking away. Easy peasy. If you do make the decision to cut something out – don’t do it for your weight. Do it for your health, or for moral reasons such as veganism. For example, I often avoid dairy because it’s full of nasty hormones, and bread because it gives me a pretty itchy neck rash.

Here’s a fun fact that might just crush your soul… When I first heard that having a slower metabolism does not cause, or contribute in any way to weight gain, I was lost for words. So who am I gonna blame now? Hmm. Perhaps there’s a devious little gremlin hiding under my bed, impishly feeding me handfuls of MnM’s as I unknowingly snooze away? Or not. The ole’ snail of a metabolism was my trusty go-to excuse. Without it, I had no choice but to face reality. Having a ‘slower metabolism’ just means that you will get hungry less often since you need fewer calories to maintain your naturally healthy weight. Hear me now, and feel the pain… The only reason you gain weight is because you are taking in more calories than you actually need for fuel. Simples. This is maths my friend, and the only way to create this surplus of calories (which yes, will go straight to all those lovely places you’d really rather it didn’t) is by over eating. Over eating occurs when you stop eating for fuel. This can also be referred so ‘Non-hunger directed eating’ and happens when you find yourself eating without being physically hungry, or eating beyond being comfortably satisfied. Easily done. Today I’ve eaten about 12 biscuits, for the simple fact that I’m tired, on the blob, at work, and could really do with a cuddle. But now that I actually recognise the fact that I’m non-hunger directed eating – I do it way less often.

 

 

Another example you might be familiar with is when you’re out for a meal with your mates, wine flowing, plates of food everywhere you look, you’re ABSOUTELY STUFFED TO THE BRIM, you have risotto coming out of your ears, and yet you continue to subconsciously pick at your friend’s plate of pretty unappealing cold chips. Just because they’re there. There are so many different reasons why we do it, and recognising them is the first step towards breaking the habit.

Hunger directed eating. It’s brilliant, natural and it actually works LONG-TERM- would you believe it! It’s all about mindfulness. Try saying THANK YOU for every single little piece of food that passes your lips. Take the time to look at it, smell it, notice it, think about how it was grown, where it came from, its journey to your plate.

Stuffing your gob whilst vacantly trawling through the Daily Mail as you frown longingly at Rosie Huntington-Whitley’s legs won’t leave you feeling very satisfied. Have you ever munched away while watching your favourite TV show, only to look down and discover that someone has eaten your entire plate of food while you weren’t looking? Yeah dude, there’s no one else home. Me tink it was you. You may feel full, but if you haven’t paid any attention to your food then you definitely won’t feel content. You’ll be right back to the fridge looking for something else to satisfy that weird empty feeling. Recognising when you are ACTUALLY hungry, and only eating for fuel…stopping when you’re comfortably full, and eating what you truly crave… that’s the answer.

Yes. I know. You want to lose 10lbs by yesterday. And you’re standing in the mirror prodding your thighs wondering what you’d look like if only you’d started 6 weeks ago.

This is why we begin the faddy diets that promise you will lose a stone in a month. Yes, it might just be possible, if you really bloody try. But is it attainable? Not in the slightest. Every single time I find myself at my ‘goal weight’, the first question I ask myself is, “I wonder how long it will last this time?” Because never in all my years of yo-yo dieting, have I managed to stay at ‘that’ weight for longer than a few months at a time.

Slow da fuq down. You have time. If you’re unhappy with your size, or you feel as though your diet isn’t as healthy or nutritious as you’d like it to be… The worst thing you can possibly do is crash diet your way to a weight that you won’t be able stay at for very long. It’s so pointless. Make changes slowly, changes that become habits, habits that are easy and manageable. Do one thing at a time. Be kind to yourself! There’s no rush.

If you introduce new behaviours such as buying organic produce, only drinking filtered water, yoga, more plant based foods, going for long walks etc. one at a time, (as a pose to abruptly hurling yourself in to a protein only diet and seven gym sessions a week) they will be FAR more manageable, and soon they will become second nature. The simplicity of living a healthy lifestyle will come with an ease you could never have even imagined after years of killing yourself dieting. This is thinking long-term.

Look, if you aren’t happy now, you won’t be happy ‘when’. Self-love is something that you cannot diet your way towards. When you truly love yourself, those points I just made above about a restrictive and impatient approach to food and weight loss will cease to exist. Respecting the wonderful instrument that is your body, and treating it with loving care and affection because it is your HOME will become your main priorities. And guess what? The bi-product of this…without even lifting a finger, is finally resting at your healthiest, natural weight. WAHEYY. Why ever would you want to starve something that you love? You wouldn’t starve your Mum, or your dog. Why starve yourself?

Stop being a dick to yourself, and stop it today.

Sometimes it’s difficult to hear how severe your negative self-talk really is – Especially as it’s programmed so deeply in your subconscious and you’ve made a very strong habit out of looking in the mirror and calling yourself a mess. A great way to assess just how harsh you’re being is by catching yourself out when it happens, and writing it down. Then, when you recognise these self-sabotaging comments you can flip them around and give yourself compliments instead. In doing so you’re actively reconditioning your thought process, and while it may take some practice, it really does work.

If you’re standing in the mirror scowling at your ‘armpit fat’, stop yourself in that moment and focus on a body part you really love…grab your boobs in delight or admire your ass and thank it for being so fantastic. Your body is nothing short of a miracle and without it you couldn’t be here, treat it like one and practice MARVELLING AT ITS GLORIOUSNESS!

Another thing to consider is your judgment of others. I used to sit on the tube and heartlessly insult random people in my head, always looking for the worst in them to make myself feel better. Your thoughts about and behaviour towards others is areflection of how you’re feeling on the inside. The second I decided to knock my negative self-talk on the head, and made a conscious effort to be more positive and kind, my thoughts about others were totally transformed, and I suddenly found myself always looking for the best in people – because I was looking for the best in myself. Compliment others and unconditionally love and accept people for who they are… just as you would for the people you love. In the same token – please know that if other people say nasty things about you, their comments do not define you in anyway whatsoever. Try not to let their unkind remarks get to you, as the only person they truly define is themselves… and their choice of words do nothing but expose how (sadly) they must feel on the inside.

If your best pal comes to you says she’s not feeling too sexy this morning, what do you tell her? You gasp in disbelief and bombard her with compliments. “First of all, U R CRAZY!! You are like the most beautiful person I know & I would be lost without u. Heart you forever. ”

This is the shit you should be telling yourself. Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I LOVE YOU!” every day. It’s hard to begin with. When I first tried I could barely look myself in the eyes. Now, I often meditate and send myself thoughts of nothing but love, light, goodness and warmth. All I’m asking is that you take a little time each day, to just be with YOU. Ask yourself, out loud or in your head…”Am I okay? What do I need?” It’s so important yet so often overlooked. I promise doing this every day will change your life. Amazing things happen when you truly start to love yourself and appreciate how incredible you are, for the simple fact that you even exist on this beautiful planet. Now, when you love yourself you’ll be naturally inclined to avoid refined sugar because it’s poisonous…not because it’s forbidden from your ‘diet’. Because you love yourself, you will allow yourself to eat chocolate if you really crave it, and forgive yourself for doing so. (NO GUILT!) Because you love yourself, you listen to your body and eat when you’re hungry but stop as soon as you’re full, knowing that over indulgence will only leave you feeling sluggish and tired. Because you love yourself, you look in the mirror and say ‘Thank you God for my wonderful body; my heart that beats, my legs that can run, and my eyes that can see. Etc.” Because you love yourself, you are gentle, kind and you have balance. And balance is the key to happiness for your mind, body and soul.

Honestly, it took me years to wrap my head around this. I would stand in the kitchen making a stir fry with my 1 Calorie Sunflower Oil spray, swigging a Diet Coke, while my Dad would BEG me to stop. Outraged at the suggestion of eating any form of fat (‘Good’ fat? lol, sorry who?), I would have rather gauged out my own eye balls than even sniff an avocado. I was obsessed with fat free yoghurts and diet drinks. Sugar-free and low-fat foods are the absolute enemy. They are horrendous. If you’re an avid diet coke drinker please just note how it’s been scientifically proven that people who choose to drink low-calorie alternatives have a higher body weight and are more likely to have Type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease. Filling yourself up on bubbles that are quite literally eroding your insides is the most absurd and self-destructive approach to weight loss.

 

 

EDUCATE YOSELF. If you want to find out more about why these foods are contributing to your weight battle and slowly killing you, then please do a little research or watch ‘Fed-Up’ and ‘Hungry for Change’ on Netflix. (If you don’t have an account you can borrow mine!!) As well as altering the oils used for producing these horrifyingly carcinogenic ‘low-fat’ foods, manufacturers pack them full of sugar, which leads to blood sugar swings and further cravings…HI, HELLO BINGE ALERT. Not to mention the dangers of sweeteners like aspartame which trick your body in to thinking you’ve had sugar, only to realise it wasn’t the real thing and leave you wanting MORE AND MORE. In addition to the fact they cause brain tumours and all sorts of other illnesses.Consider what it’s doing to your precious internal organs! AVOID, AVOID, AVOID!!! Step away from the toxic crap.

 

 

Yeah this is a biggie. We have this weird habit of caring more about how we’ll look in our short shorts at Glastonbury Festival in 2 weeks’ time than we do about having heart problems when we’re 40, or the prospect of infertility when we’re 30. Yo-yo dieting has some serious health risks, and amongst a million others things, mal-nutrition increases production of the stress hormone cortisol which over long periods of time can lead to heart disease, cancer and diabetes. IT’S REAL BAD GUYS.

Decide what’s more important to you. Health would be the obvious choice here. Personally, I’ve spent years ignoring my health and focused solely on the number on the scale, taking the most drastic measures to keep it as low as humanly possible. Take the focus away from your weight, throw away your scales, stop Googling how to lose as much weight as possible in the shortest space of time, and start reading books about nutrition. Learn about your body, what it needs, how to treat it, how to listen to it, what to feed it, how to move it. Get as passionate about your health as you are about your weight, and before you know it… you’ll be a wonderfully healthy and natural size, with a glowing body that’s overflowing with nutrition and fully equipped to carry you safely through your long and healthy life. You can have both!!! You do not have to sacrifice your health in order to be slim!

If you’re dragging yourself out of bed at the crack of dawn, necking coffee, and spending hours in the gym HATING every second, then you’re never gonna be able to keep it up, and if you do – you’re not being very kind to yourself. Exercising is a lifestyle choice and it should feel good – because it’s so wonderful for you. It’s not something you have to abuse until you reach your goal weight, and then stop because you’re sick to death of it. I used to do this. For a few months at a time I’d run to the gym every day, get to the gym, run for an hour, mindlessly lift some weights with no idea what I was doing, and then run home, all in a bid to burn the most amount of calories possible. My joints hurt, I was over tired, and under fed. What you choose to do is totally personal preference…Your body knows what it needs…listen to it.

Choose something you enjoy, and incorporate it in to your routine. If you find repeating the same exercise boring then switch it up, do something different each week – this will keep it fun and exciting. Wake up half an hour earlier and do yoga in your front room, find a class you love and go with a friend, walk rather than catch the bus. If you’re absolutely nothing like me, and a total fitness enthusiast, then keep doing what you’re doing. But if you find it hard to get your ass off the couch (Ehehe, me), it’s probably because you’re forcing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy. Experiment and play. Just move your body! Dance, skip, run, climb, back flip, do roly poleys through sun flower fields for all I care. You’re freeeee. Exercise for FUN and health, not for a calorie deficit.

So, the next time you find yourself at your wits end, beating yourself up for not being ‘thin enough’, comparing yourself to photo shopped images of ‘Instragram models’, and googling the latest diet craze – please just stop and think for a minute. Try and think long-term. Ask yourself, what’s the rush? Can you approach this in a way that would have lasting positive effects on both your lifestyle and your health? How kind are you being to yourself?

It’s the start of December, and the time of year that I would usually begin to panic my tits off and decide to do a run-up-to-Christmas detox/starvation plan. Why? Because “GOD FORBID i’m fat on Christmas day, and I have to go home and see friends and family and oh my lord what will they think?!”

This is the first year since I can remember, that I have chosen not to make the following Christmas PANIC plan (although it’s bloody hard to resist – trust me):

1. So it’s 3 weeks until Christmas – I’ll starve myself in to an LBD. I am determined to be a small size 8 by Christmas Day. I’ll do whatever it takes.
2. Binge over Christmas. Overeat, drink way too much, go crazy, probably regain the weight I lost… but that’s okay because…
3. Detox begins on Jan the 1^st. Strict diet, no carbs, a new gym membership and kill myself from January on wards – in the run up to Summer.

That plan above… literally gives me anxiety. And it’s an absolutely typical mindset of a yo-yo dieter. Why on earth would I go from one extreme to the other and yo-yo right back again? That plan will upset my body. It will affect my hormones. I’ll be stressed on Christmas day, worrying that I’ve not done well enough or that i’m not thin enough – unable to enjoy myself or relax because I’ll be crying about how fat my arms look, and riddled with guilt for eating a big ass Christmas dinner after weeks of starving.

So my new plan is this…

1. Work on loving myself more and more every day, so that by the time Christmas day comes round, no matter how I look – I will feel absolutely amazing in my own skin and be able to fully enjoy myself – no matter what.
2. Focus on hunger-directed eating, be mindful, grateful and patient. (Meditation is amazing for mindfulness – I suggest doing it every day for 20 minutes.)
3. Now that I’ve finally moved house and can get back in to a routine, I will pick some sort of exercise that I really enjoy, can do regularly and that will boost my mood. (I love running first thing in the morning because it wakes me up! Choose something you love!)
4. There are no foods that I will cut out, I will eat whatever I crave and in moderation. But I will listen to what my body needs and choose healthier foods because they make me feel good. This way I won’t need to binge over Christmas when i’m finally exposed to all those ‘forbidden’ foods, and consequently won’t need to plunge head first in to the world’s strictest detox come new year.

This second plan… no anxiety. Just freedom, self-love, and balance. And the best part? I know that if I gently work at all of those lovely things in the next few weeks, I’ll probably lose weight as a by-product of it all. It’s easy to sit here and give you advice on what you should and shouldn’t be doing, and it’s way harder for me to practice it myself. But these are all things I’m currently working on and they really have transformed my life, cured my eating disorder, and totally repaired my relationship with food.

 

Good luck! x

 

The Dieting Triangle of Doom – A Miserable Existence

On a beautiful summer’s day not so long ago, I was boarding a flight to Croatia with my best buddy Cat. Three gruelling months of fighting to reach a seemingly impossible number on my bathroom scales had come to an end, and I’d finally managed to land at my goal weight which was absolutely essential if I wanted to stroll down the beach in my bikini without feeling like Mr. Blobby. After an exhausting stint of dieting, restraint, religious gym sessions and the world’s most tedious ‘Squat challenge’, I found myself sitting comfortably in my seat, flicking through my duty-free mag with a huge grin on my face. GREAT SUCCESS. I only gone and dunnit! And no, it wasn’t easy – but for this feeling? One hundred percent worth it. While I sat daydreaming about my absolutely fantastic body, the air hostess approached Cat and I with two meal choices. Option 1. A bloody massive baguette, or Option 2. A rather sad looking salad, about the size of my big toe. Naturally, I opted for the latter… I’d been so ‘good’ up until now – I wasn’t about to blow it right before my much anticipated bikini reveal. That would be absurd. Cat, however, reached for the bloody massive baguette. But as she sat next to me innocently chomping away without a care in the world, so effortlessly slim, yet totally unruffled by her carb laden 475 calorie lunch… I frowned in confusion.

“Haaang on a minute” I thought to myself, as I glared at her mouthful of bread with an overwhelming spate of food envy. How come, for the past 3 months, Cat has eaten whatever the hell she wants? How come, she hasn’t even SNIFFED a treadmill, and yet she is a gloriously healthy, natural weight? How come, I have to slave away, kill myself, lose sleep, wake up at 4am and run a half marathon, all before nibbling on 3 almonds for breakfast. EXCUSE ME GOD? HI, HELLO. YES IT’S ME. I’D LIKE TO MAKE AN ENQUIRY. HOW EXACTLY DID I END UP WITH SUCH A RAW DEAL? I immediately jump to the conclusion that the answer to this horrendously unfair question could be found in the fact that her metabolism is four times faster than mine will ever be, and that I must struggle to live with this appalling information for the rest of eternity.

Let’s consider for a moment, the absurd mantra that I’ve willingly adopted for the past decade: “I am not naturally slim, I have a very slow metabolism, and I will always struggle to stay at my natural healthy weight.” Subsequently, (as our thoughts create our reality) I have fluctuated between 8 and 10 stone for what feels like an eternity. I’m either strutting down the street in a skin tight dress having starved myself for months, or I’m wearing 4 jumpers at one time and I’m downright offended at the mere suggestion of a sleeveless top.

So, my curiosity had finally got the better of me, and I decided to do some digging. I needed to know what was ‘wrong with me’. Why my naturally skinny friends who NEVER dieted found life so easy, and why my sorry self could try so hard – yet fail so miserably at keeping the weight off. As I ploughed my way through articles and books, I soon realised that it wasn’t ME at all. I was a serial yo-yo dieter, and I was living my life fully immersed in what I like to call ‘The Triangle of Doom.’ What I realised is that it wasn’t my lack of will power, or my helplessness around donuts that was leading to my forever fluctuating weight. I wasn’t the problem at all, but how I was going about it couldn’t have been more wrong. So, here you have it… the three stages of the self-sabotaging and incredibly viscous dieting cycle, which will without a doubt result in a life of severe frustration and unhappiness:

STAGE 1: The Diet. The faddy, nonsensical, false promises of the newest craze. I’ve done them all. Slimming World, Weight Watchers, 16:8, 5:2, Dukan, Atkins, Paleo, South Beach. Blah Blah Blah Blah. No wonder the diet industry is worth £2 billion in Britain alone. I’ve spent my entire life buying it in to this bullshit and I can vividly recall planning to save for my Aloe Vera Gel Cleanse while floating around in my Mother’s womb.
During this stage I’d usually find myself surrounded by tubs of X-TREME 3000 X SUPER STRENGTH BLOW YOUR SOXXX OFF fat burners and diuretics, stirring a cocktail of lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper with one hand, all the while dutifully logging the grand total of…wait for it… 26 CALORIES! (Gasp) in to My Fitness Pal with the other. I’ve calculated that if I only eat 500 calories a day, I can lose about 4 lbs a week. Plus if I exercise enough to burn 500 calories a day, I’m essentially eating nothing, so basically I could lose double that and by next June I could achieve my lifelong dream of crumbling in to a rather sexy pile of dust. And this time, by the way, it’s forever. It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle choice. A life of hunger, YAAS. I am powerful and in total control. I set my screensaver to a photo of a rib cage for inspiration.

STAGE 2: The Binge. (This is where my bulimia stemmed from.) All that restriction, and then BOOM. It all becomes too much as it’s TOTALLY unattainable…Suddenly I find myself wanting to gnaw on inedible objects such as my desk chair, which as of late is beginning to look disturbingly appetising.
At this stage I’ve almost reached my goal weight of 2 Stone 7lbs and my collar bones are looking reassuringly sharp. But I’m fucking hungry. And when I say hungry, I don’t mean peckish. I mean I’m lying in bed listening to the sound of my famished stomach churn in agony as the ungenerous handful of chickpeas I devoured an hour ago have, much to my amazement, failed to touch the sides. I shuffle in to the kitchen and lift my bony arm, with just enough strength to retrieve the jar of chocolate Hob Nobs I so tactfully hid from myself three weeks ago. I nibble the edge of one tiny little biscuit, and before you can say McVities I’m in a heap on the floor clutching an empty tin with crumbs in my eyebrows. I’ve blown it, so why stop now? I forage through the cupboards in search of more snacks, inhaling anything I can get my hands on. Before long I’m sprawled out on the kitchen floor cracking eggs on my chest and rubbing peanut butter in my eyes. “FOOOOOOOD. OH how I’ve missed you old friend. Promise me you’ll never leave me like that again.” I desperately weep.

STAGE 3: Ahhhh… The Guilt. To beat oneself up. A hell of a lot. This is the part where all of your hard work goes down the drain, and you take a swift nose dive from super-slim-starving-Goddess who could park a bus between her withered thighs, to nothing more than a chubby worthless mess – all in a matter of minutes. You’re faced with several options and must either throw up the lot, go for a RIDICULOUSLY long run, and/or cry whilst planning which diet to try next.
“I am a fool. A fat failure. A horrible mess of a human being who doesn’t even deserve to live because that last bingeing sesh has landed me RIGHT BACK where I started and all my clothes are covered in Nutella. I want to crawl under a rock and fester for an eternity. Nobody come near me.” I turn my phone off, wrap myself in my duvet, and sob, occasionally coming up for air through the small opening near my face. I peer out at the cruel, cruel world from the safety of my artificially constructed womb, and finally begin to gather my thoughts. Once I’m done feeling sorry for myself, I reluctantly reach for my laptop and Google the Dukan Shopping list with my sticky trotters. “There there” I tell myself, “Tomorrow it’s back to a life of tuna and cottage cheese. You got this.” And that all familiar wave of excitement comes over me once again… “This time it will work” I whisper from the depths of my bed cave. And so The Triangle of Doom ensues once more.

Sound Familiar? Kind of? Okay. There are a number of reasons that this RIDICULOUS pattern ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WORK. Yes, you may lose weight in the short term. You might drop 3 dress sizes in 4 days by eating one single strand of All Bran, every hour, on the hour. But what about your poor body? It NEEDS food. It NEEDS love. It NEEDS nutrition to survive. Yo-yo dieting is absolutely lethal. As is starving yourself. As is making yourself sick. IT CAN LEAD TO A VERY EARLY DEATH. Do you want to die early? NO. Do you want to be slim and healthy and happy with no stress for the rest of eternity and consequently slip away in your sleep at the grand old age of 105? ME TOOOOOOOOO.

So, I’ve managed to pick apart my own brain and come up with 10 reasons why whichever crazy diet you’ve chosen to torture yourself with, simply will not work. And the 10 wonderfully effective solutions for overcoming each of them. These will be in my next blog post…so stay tuned if you’d like some tips on how to live a beautifully happy and faddy diet free existence, all the while managing to effortlessly maintain your most ideal weight, balance your hormones and have the healthiest mind, body & soul imaginable. (Muahaha, I love a cliff hanger.)

What Are You Worth?

Allo! So I’ve not posted for a while since my brain has been overflowing with so many ideas and I’ve found it pretty hard to decide on just one. I reckon half the problem is that there are five hundred million things I can’t wait to share with you, and as my journey down this magical path of unconditional wonderfulness continues, I’m learning more and more about how to experience love, joy and appreciation in every moment. But what I HAVE to share with you, above all else, is how I have managed to totally transform my life. My world is now inspired by curiosity, faith and ABSOLUTE WONDER. Every, single, day. And I want more than anything to tell you how I got here, in the hope that your path to finding true, awe-inspiring happiness and fulfilment will be that little bit easier. (And if you’re already there, WAHEYY, you need not read on!)

It’s been such a long and turbulent road up until now, and I’ve collected countless life-altering ideas that have allowed me to consider my experiences from a variety of different perspectives along the way, so many that I simply cannot put them all in one post. It would literally be a novel and I already waffle on enough as it is. So, this will be the first of many posts which will reveal the wonderfully enlightening means through which I managed to transcend a life filled with nothing but anxiety and depression, to my life now – where I genuinely do feel like the most grateful person on the planet. Despite every day problems and the inevitable difficulties I can run in to, everything in my life now tends to flow with much more ease, and I really, really, REALLY want yours and everybody else’s to do the same. So that’s my mission. Stressful times will come, problems will arise, things could get sticky, the shit can still hit the fan – but it’s all about perspective. It’s all about the way you deal with the stress, and not allowing yourself to be consumed by fear.

So how exactly, in the space of about three years, did I manage to go from that depressing, lifeless, menial existence… to where I’m at now? I guess the first thing I realised was that there had to be more to life. I’d got so caught up in myself, I was paralyzed by fear and desperately struggling to think outside of the tiny little, negative box in my mind –which was home to my absolute favourite word…‘Can’t’. Then, on one very special day, a close family friend offered me the opportunity to apply for a job in L0ndon. LONDON. Y’WHAT? All it took was one suggestion. One opportunity. One question, to change everything. Suddenly I found myself face to face with this totally beautiful, yet totally foreign concept we call hope. And then this tiny little voice from deep inside my soul elbowed me right in the belly, raised its eyebrows and whispered, ‘But Meg, what if you could?’ What if you could move to London? Could you do that? Do you have the courage? What if you could be happy? What if you could open your heart, and realise that you could do absolutely ANYTHING you wanted? And in that very magical moment, I knew there was a way out, I knew that at some point it would happen for me. I just didn’t know how… or when. And that’s when my journey began. The second I decided that I deserved more. And that the only person in control of my fate, was myself.Me. Meggy. Yaay.

So – Here’s what you need to do first: Realise your worth. MY GOD, YOU’RE INCREDIBLE! The Universe has an extraordinarily generous and fascinating way of planting seeds of unlimited creativity within us all; then it cheers us on as we try (or don’t try) to uncover them. And what you neeeed to recognise is that the journey to finding those tiny little nuggets of potential is exactly why we are here. Exploring, questioning, playing, listening, and experimenting, all in hope of unearthing these God-given gifts. That’s inspired living! And the courage necessary to embark upon such a journey is the very element that will determine just how mundane, or just how exceptionally enchanting your time here on this earth will be. It’s in your hands. My friend Chris sent me a quote earlier which opened with, “There is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique.” THERE IS ONE OF YOU. In all of time! Whut? How long is time? It’s never-ending. It’s infinite. IT’S ABSOLUTELY IMMEASURABLE. And there is ONE OF YOU. And there has never, and will never live another like you. Each of us has a multitude of gifts, so outstandingly unique, it would be impossible for them to be replicated. You do not have to be the greatest singer, or poet, or chef, or actor, in the entire world in order to make your mark here on earth. You are just as important as Beyoncé, or Walt Whitman, or Heston Blumenthal or Al Pacino. Your worth is NOT defined by fame, beauty, money, awards or popularity. The homeless guy sitting on the corner of your street has exactly the same amount of worth as the Queen of England. He is a human being, as is she. And at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Make the decision today to live the inspired life that is absolutely, indisputably your birth right. Do the things that fill you up, the things that take you to that headspace where nothing else matters, where hours can pass and yet feel like only minutes… That’s where it’s at. Which gifts are you ignoring for fear of not being good enough? One, single little act of creativity will help to bring forward the real, authentic YOU. Discover what’s in there! You never know what you might find. The intense feelings of happiness that are cultivated when you live a life that’s true to yourself are part of a beautiful ripple effect which can move mountains. You can do that!  YAAS, YOU!

As I finished writing that sentence, I received an email from Hay House with a quote from a book titled ‘The Biology of Belief’ that well, it would be rude not to share with you since the ole’ Universe just parked it right in front of my face as I sat wondering what to write next. So here you go…

“You can choose what you see. You can filter your life with rose-coloured beliefs that will help your body to grow, or you can use a dark filter that turns everything black and makes your body and mind more susceptible to disease. You can live a life of fear, or live a life of love. You have the choice!” Bruce H. Lipton.

So so so SO true! Have you ever walked down the street and felt like you might just have to let out a little hop, skip n a jump? Your favourite song on, everything feels so perfect in that very moment. You could quite literally kiss a total stranger because you’re THAT happy. Nothing can bother you. Colours are brighter, your vision is clearer, you can hear the birds singing and children laughing and NOTHING could ruin your day. You see a tree and you’re like ‘holy shit that tree is awesome’. Life is so great, and so funny. This is how I feel the majority of the time. And whenever difficulties arise (Which is kind of inevitable, but far easier to avoid when you are living life on a high vibrational frequency), I’m quick to respond with that filter of rose-coloured beliefs. I see the problem as an opportunity; I search for the good that comes with it. You deserve that too! And not just every now and again, or once a month, or even once a week… but every goddamn day!

It’s all about perspective. It takes practice, and it takes time. There is no rule book in this life, and we are all on our own paths, destined for vastly different yet infinitely wonderful things. Let’s take for example the misconception that failing to be married before the age of 30 suddenly means you’ve failed at life. Huh?! We come up with the most ridiculous reasons to believe that we are worthless. These shallow and trivial ‘rules’ do not define us. They define society for its cruel and twisted way of making us compete with one another and constantly feel like we must ‘keep up’ or ‘get ahead’. Life is not a competition. Understand that you are exactly where you need to be, right in this very moment. Whatever you are going through right now, whatever worries or self-defeating beliefs you continue to entertain in your life – just know that you do not need them. They serve you absolutely no purpose, and do nothing but hold you back.

Knowing your worth and loving yourself is the most important thing in the world. From here stems nothing but opportunity for peace, love, joy and inspiration, and that’s why it’s my first step. Recognise that you deserve more. Recognise that you are worthy of unlimited abundance and happiness, every single day…and recognise that the only thing holding you back from it – is yourself.

Why I Stopped Photo Shopping my Own Head

Perfection is a myth. It’s an illusion; a set of judgements based solely on our own conditioned beliefs and ideas which we’ve accumulated over our lifetime. Everybody’s perception of this twisted concept is entirely dependent on their own, personal preference, and yet we still choose to pursue the impossible, and embark on the soul-destroying journey to achieve something that quite frankly, is a load of horse shit. By investing your precious time and energy into this absurd fantasy you are destined to spend the rest of your life fighting a losing battle with nobody but yourself.  And I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of anything worse than lying on my deathbed, questioning why I spent my entire existence running around frantically trying to achieve the unachievable. The number one regret of the dying is that they lived a life expected of them, rather than a life that was true to themselves.

In no way am I afraid to honestly admit that I’ve spent years upon years, turning down invitations to events because I wasn’t quite thin enough, or quite ready enough; because I didn’t have the money to buy the ‘perfect’ outfit, or because I was worried what people might think of my physical appearance. I can genuinely recall times that I avoided going on holiday, because I so desperately didn’t want to be seen half naked on the beach. Starving myself silly, unable to sleep, filled with anxiety, killing myself in the gym, wasting money on anti-wrinkle creams, anti-cellulite creams, anti-I’m-a-real-fucking-person creams, incessantly editing photos of myself until I was almost unrecognisable, and living by the ludicrous mantras that ‘Eating is cheating’ , ‘Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels’ and ‘Pain is beauty’. I refuse to look back on my life and realise that I spent the vast majority of it feeling frustrated and empty, hiding from who I really was, ruthlessly comparing myself to others and striving to find wholeness outside of myself.

I want to look back and say YES. I turned up to every single day of my life. I was absolutely myself. I was complete. I loved myself entirely, flaws and all. I lived fully and in the moment, I followed my heart and my dreams without a second thought. I dedicated my life to helping others, rather than desperately trying to conquer society’s ridiculous version of this utter lie we call ‘perfection’.

Look at the image below. This is what I used to do to my photos. THIS IS WHAT WE ARE CAPABLE OF DOING ON OUR IPHONES.

I didn’t even use Photoshop, I used an iPhone app! I was so desperately unhappy with myself that I genuinely believed I had to morph my own goddamn head in order to fit in to society’s idea of ‘perfection’ and feel as though I was worthy of love. I made my eyes bigger, whiter, And BLUE?! My face thinner, my cheeks pinker, skin smoother, popped on some eyelashes…I want to laugh at the sheer RIDICULOUSNESS of what I was doing, but it is sickening! If someone had told me to post this picture months ago, I would have swiftly boarded the shame train, grown a beard and moved to China, never to be seen again. But it’s alright now. Because not only do I deeply accept and love myself for who I really am, I also desperately need to illustrate exactly why you shouldn’t let these over edited images make you feel as though this façade is attainable, let alone real.

 

Just to highlight my point even further, here’s the edited pic vs. the kind of photo I send to my best mates when I’m in bed on a Tuesday night with my teddy bear. Does it make me any less loveable? Nope. Nay. Nooo. In fact I way prefer the bird on the right, she’s far happier.

 

 

 So, feeling hopelessly dissatisfied with my boat-race was only half of the problem. I’ve also spent YEARS believing that my weight is far more important than my health. The entire time I suffered with an eating disorder I absolutely knew the implications of what I was doing. Granted, I chose the path of ignorance and did everything I could to avoid admitting to the relentless torture I was putting my body through on a daily basis. But I couldn’t hide from the endless onslaught of warning signs. I was tired, in pain, dehydrated, hungry, scared, anxious, lonely, and depressed. I was slowly digging an early grave. But I wanted to be skinny more than anything. More than life?! I quite literally sacrificed my health and happiness to reach the weight which I believed would grant me the approval of those around me, and moreover, the approval of myself. “I will love myself when the scales agree.” And guess what? The scales agreed, and I never, ever did. On the rare occasion that I would reach this ‘goal weight’, I wasn’t bloody happy. It turned out that no one really loved me anymore than they had before. I certainly didn’t love myself more. I’d reach this weight thinking it was the answer to all my problems, but now I was just terrified of gaining it all back. It rarely lasted longer than a few weeks at a time, before the restrictions became too much and I’d end up right back at square one; Eating to fill the emptiness. The really sad fact here is that I was doing it for the approval of others, when really I was the only one that truly cared. The very people I desperately craved validation from were far too wrapped up their own appearance to even notice. And everybody else was so comfortable in their own skin that they didn’t give two shits about my weight, let alone feel any need whatsoever to judge me. They are the only people who really matter. The ones who love you unconditionally. The ones who love you for who you really are. Not for your weight, not for your height or the colour of your skin, not for how much money is in your bank account, or how well you’ve pencilled in your bloody eyebrows. That’s not who you are.

 

You will not be remembered for your Instagram followers, your perfectly round ass, the cars you owned, your Michael Kors handbag collection, how many footballers and reality TV stars you knew. None of THIS means anything. It’s dull, hollow, and insufficient. It’s destroying your soul, and masking your true purpose for being on this earth. THAT’S what you’ll be remembered for. Finding your purpose. Bravery, compassion, creativity and the courage to be bold, different and unique. You’ll be remembered for your true, authentic, magnificent self.

 

Where does this awful cycle of desperately-seeking-the-approval-of-everybody-else end?!!! Give it up! Be fearlessly you! If you’re gay, BE GAY! If you’re a dancer, DANCE! If you’re short, BE PROUD OF EVERY INCH! If you have curvy hips and little boobies, LOVE THEM! Look in the mirror, past your physical self, and figure out who it is you truly are; then go be it. Don’t be scared of what other people think. There are people out there who won’t like me for this blog; they might be sitting there bad-mouthing me. Do I care!? Not at all. Those negative, judgemental feelings belong to them…not me. I’m happy as Larry over here while they slag me off behind their screens. But that’s life! You can’t please everybody, so at least, I beg you, please yourself.

“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.”
― Rita Mae Brown

Don’t get me wrong; I know this is easier said than done. The unforgiving torrent of ‘shoulds’ that permeate our lives on a daily basis through music videos, magazines, social-media, TV shows and advertisements are a huge driving force behind our hunger to constantly improve. We ‘should’ be better, richer, faster, thinner, fitter, sexier, taller, and prettier. FUCKING YAWN.  A selfless, generous, thoughtful person who embraces their flaws; who loves themselves entirely and embraces their imperfections, is one million times more attractive than someone who is aesthetically pleasing and as close to this superficial idea of ‘perfection’ as can possibly be, yet totally wrapped up in themselves and their appearance. Even the most visually appealing person cannot outshine a real, authentic and wholehearted soul, filled with light and love for themselves and everyone they meet. There is nothing more beautiful than someone who is completely comfortable in their own skin.

Just take a moment to think about the people you love with all of your heart. Have you ever thought about looking at your own Mother and pointing out her imperfections? No. Because she is your Mother, you love her no matter what, and she is absolutely perfect at being herself. Have you ever looked at your own dog and wondered why one of his beautiful little ears is smaller than the other? Have you ever wondered why he has hairy little nipples or dribbles in his sleep? No! Because he is your dog. And you love him no matter what, and he is absolutely perfect at being himself. YOU ARE NO EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE!

You are so unbelievably perfect at being you. Your imperfections are exactly what make you so fascinatingly beautiful. The birthmark on your neck, the shape of your hips, the gap in your teeth, your infectious laugh, the missing toe on your left foot. All of those little things that you wish you could alter in pursuance of this god-awful, tediously symmetrical mould that we deem as ‘perfect’ are the exact things that make you so wonderfully and effortlessly you. They are the very things that make you so endearingly real.

Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are. You are one-of-a-kind, you are exceptional and loved beyond words. Your time on this earth could be used to do ANYTHING your heart desires. Don’t let your authentic self be swept away and lost in this tireless myriad of ego-driven demands. None of it is real. Choose to be happy with who you are, right this very moment. No if’s, no but’s. Treat your wonderful body with the love it deserves. Don’t inject it, or starve it, or nip it or tuck it. Love every inch of it. Without it you couldn’t be here. Be your own best friend.

Heart you x (Just as you are :))

The Power of Forgiveness

 

You’ll be relieved to know that I’ve just recovered from my first serious bout of writer’s block. It was awful. I thought I would never write again. I thought that after a week, I’d bashed out all I had to offer and my blogging career was finally over. It’s not as though I couldn’t think of anything to say, (that would have been seriously worrying) but when I began to re-read the three pages I’d just finished on why forgiveness is the best thing since sliced bread, and how revenge will get you nowhere, I realised I hadn’t laughed once. In fact, I sorted of wanted to cry. It was a bloody serious piece of writing. I’m not sure if I’d just been in a pretty sombre mood on the day that I started writing it, and subsequently continued with this newly found depressing tone. But either way, it didn’t suit me and when I read it back it kind of felt…uncomfortable. You know when you take the bins out and chuck on your Dad’s size 11 walking boots, and plod down the drive with your big ol’ clown feet, tripping over the laces? That’s the only way I can describe it. So I’ve had to start again. (This is my second attempt and it already feels much sprightlier, if that’s a word. Much more ‘me’.) Anyway, now I’ve got that extremely necessary vent off my chest I shall begin to tell you exactly why forgiveness is indeed, the best thing since sliced bread.

So often people have this weird tendency to disregard the possibility of forgiveness, because they consider it to be a sign of weakness. They think such an act would mean they’re ‘giving in’, they ‘have no backbone’ or need to ‘locate their balls’. Far from it. In fact, the polar opposite. Forgiveness is single handily the most beautiful and mind-blowing concept in the world. Forgiveness is love and every little, wonderful thing in between. It is empathy and compassion; bravery and strength; humanity and heroism. From forgiveness stems the capacity for rebirth, the opportunity to find freedom and the chance to discover inner-peace. (And if you’re saying you wouldn’t want that then, quite frankly my friend, you’re telling porkies.) Without it there would be nothing but unfinished business, hostility and a never-ending, exhausting cycle of revenge (Basically a shit load of war until eventually we’d all wind up dead.) Without forgiveness there would quite literally be no future.

Don’t get me wrong, true forgiveness, the kind that comes from the very bottom of your heart, can take a lot of work. And while it’s nowhere near as simple as flicking an on/off switch, it remains a choice. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that the person who caused you so much pain is in the right. Nor does it condone what they did. If your best mate slept with your boyfriend, forgiving them doesn’t say “It’s fine! Let’s arrange for the 3 of us to go for dinner next week. And in the meantime, carry on!” Forgiveness simply says, “You fucking hurt me, and I’m not happy about it, but I choose to set myself free of this torment and move on, with no desire to seek revenge as I respect myself far too much to even consider sinking to your level.”

Another reason y’all cba to forgive a brother is because you quite simply enjoy playing the victim. We all love a little pity party. I’ve had my fair share, but after a while it just gets a little boring, don’t you think? Take this ridiculous story for example:

You’re walking home from the pub with your mates when a drink driver comes out of nowhere, he clips your leg as he speeds past you and you fall to the ground in agony. The drink driver, being drunk (naturally), pulls the old ‘hit and run’ jobby and disappears in to the night, never to be seen again. In fact, he was so drunk that he wakes up the next morning none the wiser, has a Berrocca and simply carries on with his day. Now the ambulance turns up to take you off to hospital, but as the paramedics approach you scream ‘NO’ and hobble off, dragging your broken leg behind you. You’re so immersed in these feelings of self-pity and disdain towards the drink driver that you actually refuse to let your leg heal. And anyway, you need it to be hanging off so you can show everyone what happened. It’s literally all you can talk about. The neighbours, the shop keeper, your mates down the pub, your cat, yourself – alone in bed at night. Anyone who will listen. All the while the drink driver is sipping Margaritas on the beach while honeymooning in Bali.

Ya get me? (I realise the whole leg thing was a bit much but you know how I like to get my point across.) Any negative feelings you choose to harbour belong to you, and only you. They do not belong to the person you refuse to forgive. So essentially, forgiveness is a lovely gift to yourself. And if anyone deserves a gift after that ordeal, it’s you! Why not go and buy yourself a Terry’s Chocolate orange while you’re at it.

Now let’s take a look at your other option; Revenge. The word alone makes me shudder. I really enjoy this quote from Confucius (The Chinese philosopher with the long eyebrows):

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”

Oof. Now if that doesn’t put you off I don’t know what will. REVENGE IS SO SILLY THAT IT ACTUALLY HURTS ME TO TRY AND EXPLAIN. In order to seek revenge and let your ego feel that little burst of satisfaction associated with ‘getting even’, you are quite literally lowering yourself to their level. You are carrying out an act that would essentially require a whole fresh batch of forgiveness. You are actually prolonging the agony which was already painful enough in the first place. Quite frankly, you may as well just go ahead and shit on your own doorstep whilst simultaneously shooting yourself in the foot.

Now, unlike the story with the drink driver, many people do actually remember what they did wrong, and have to live every single day with the consequences of their actions. Is that not enough punishment already? You cannot sit there and tell me that you’ve never done something, so fucking stupid, that you’ve literally replayed the entire event in your mind, over and over and over again, desperately wishing that you could turn back the clock and undo the lot. We are all human beings. We fuck up. We are forgiven. We move on. Some of us make the same mistakes twice, three times, fifty times if you’re a right muppet, and yet we are forgiven over and over again.

The collective quality of our life on this earth is defined by the sum total of our everyday interactions with each other. Every little act of kindness has a profound impact on the world as a whole. (As does every little act of harm, unfortunately.) The energy we radiate is quite literally contagious. When researching this topic I found some of the most incredible stories of extreme forgiveness, and I’m pretty sure they’ll make you feel terrible for holding a grudge against Pam at work who stole your Pritt Stick in the summer of ‘14. Here are a few examples… A prisoner who forgave her Nazi captor; the Mother who forgave her son’s killer and released him minutes before he was about to be hanged; a genocide survivor who forgave a militant for murdering her entire family. WHAT. These people are not weak, they are heroes! Forgiveness can take immeasurable courage, but in the end it’s all that really matters.

When I was fifteen years old, I was in a constant war with my then boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. We absolutely despised each other. She was beautiful, young and had the world at her feet. I couldn’t stand her. I bullied her and she bullied me right back. I quickly became obsessed with making her life a misery, and before long I was spending every single day thinking of ways to hurt her even more. It was a horrible viscous cycle that neither of us could seem to escape. Until one day, she died in a car accident. Never in my life had I felt such heart wrenching regret. I would have done absolutely anything to have her back, to throw my arms around her and tell her how sorry I was, but it was too late. You see, at the end of the day none of it really fucking matters. All those things she’d said to me, all the ways she’d hurt me and made me cry, none of it was real. Deep down she was a good person, she was so loved by everyone who knew her. Between us we created a smokescreen of jealousy and bitterness, and it wasn’t until she ceased to exist that I realised it had all been an ego-driven lie. Forgiving myself for what happened to her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And it took such a long time. Eventually I ended up writing her a letter, and that night I had a dream that I was giving her a piggy back and we were laughing together. And then I moved on. In order to truly forgive you really do have to go through the motions. You have to feel the anger, the despair, the pain, and you have to let it out. Only then can you be free from the negative energy which has been trapped in your heart, and move forward with your life.

Forgiveness fills the holes in your heart with the love and light it so desperately needs. So in honour of Global Peace Day, I ask you to do yourself and the rest of the world a favour: Make one step towards forgiveness today. Whether it’s somebody you haven’t spoken to in years, or a friend that hurt you yesterday, or even if it’s for yourself. Accept the past for what it is, and work towards letting it go.

“Forgiveness is the way we return what has been taken from us and restore the love and kindness and trust that has been lost. With each act of forgiveness, whether small or great, we move toward wholeness. Forgiving is nothing less than how we bring peace to ourselves and our world.” Desmond Tutu – ‘The Book of Forgiving’

Heart you 🙂 x

Arts & Crafts Week in Pantie Camp

  

Gentlemen, avert your eyeballs. This one might not be quite up your street.

So, I started my period at what? Age 12? I’m now twenty four. While maths might not be my speciality, I think it’s pretty safe to assume I’ve been enjoying this marvellous, God-given gift from Mother Nature for approximately 12 years. That’s 12 periods a year, for 12 years. Now if 12 x 12 = 144 (Yeeyaa memorised that one in primary school) then you’d think by now I’d be fully prepared for the onslaught of symptoms that smack me right in the face on the 16th of every month. Think again. If this was the case then my Google search history would not be filled with the same, bizarre questions, every single time I’m due on, as though these ‘MYSTICAL’ side effects have just appeared from nowhere.

Take this for example. I wake up on a Wednesday morning, mid-December, after what I can only describe as the world’s worst night’s sleep. Windows wide open, snow wafting on in and yet it still somehow feels like the height of summer. After tossing and turning for three hours I finally throw my duvet across the room in utter rage, clamber out of my pyjamas and lie there, panting and naked spread out like a starfish. Suddenly I feel a wave of nausea come over me. Rather than immediately recognise that this is something I’ve endured on a monthly basis for the past 12 years, I take to Google Chrome for an alternative explanation. My search history looks a little something like this:

 

Ya see. Now what I honestly believe I’m really after is the reassurance that everybody else feels just like I do. I desperately seek out articles that endlessly list the symptoms of PMS, I wanna read blogs about people who are also suffering with bloaty head syndrome, I wanna know how hormones work and which ones are causing me to feel like a bag of shit. I want herbal remedies, magical pills and tips on how to curb my Nutella cravings.

So I decided to write this post as a little piece of reassurance for you women out there who so often find themselves wondering why they suddenly bear a striking resemblance to Amanda Bynes circa 2013 and have the appetite of a small horse.

Well, here it is… you’re not alone and we do in fact all feel exactly the same. We all go slightly crazy sometimes. We’re all guilty of having a little cry over that new Lloyds TSB advert (you know the one with all the horses.) And that guy on the bus who swung his laptop bag and hit you right in the womb? We all want to punch him in the face too. We all eat our body weight in Oreo Dairy Milk and wonder why we don’t feel sick yet. We all sit on the kitchen surface eating cereal with our bare hands whilst declaring to our flat mate “I just don’t know what’s got in to me, like I just can’t stop eating at the moment like this is sooo unlike me like this is totally weird!” as you spray crunchy nut clusters at them. We all do abnormal shit like plaster a load of peanut butter on a piece of ham and wonder if we’re pregnant, even though we’ve not had sex in weeks. We all think uncharacteristically cruel thoughts and mumble “for fucks sake” when small innocent children run under our feet. We all have sore tits, sensitive nipples and acne in weird places. We all feel like someone is ripping out our fallopian tubes and end up straddling our hot water bottles after spending 6 hours in the bath. And you know what? It’s okay! It happens. (A little too often in my opinion, but still. It just does.)

You don’t need to make excuses. You don’t need to apologise for looking like the uglier, greasier, male version of yourself because your eyes are puffy and your make-up somehow manages to slide off your face before you’ve even finished applying it. And you definitely don’t need to apologise for hiding under your duvet and refusing to wear a bra.

The best thing to do in these circumstances is forgive yourself. It’s not your fault. It won’t last forever, and by this time next week you’ll be right back to chirpy old self without a care in the world.

If you’re suffering with an eating disorder and find that this time of the month really throws you off, it may well be that your PMS is playing a huge part in making you feel guilty around food. I know that this was definitely the case for me. This is especially significant for those of you who tend to starve yourself or diet for the rest of the month, since these restrictions are actually causing you to eat even more than you normally would during a binge on all of those ‘forbidden’ foods. For every single diet, there is an equal opposing binge. The extent and ferocity with which you binge is directly proportional to the extent to which you restrict what you eat. (Makes sense right?) SO THEN, this may well explain how eating nothing but cherry tomatoes and ryvita for weeks on end eventually results in one entire night dedicated to non-stop scoffing.

Naturally this will lead to feelings of insufferable guilt as OH NO you ‘broke your diet’, plus the fact that you’re already feeling pretty shit, thus resulting in the need to throw it all up (So you don’t ‘get fat’.) It took me 10 years to realise I was doing it all wrong. As soon as I balanced my diet, stopped worrying about calories, stopped obsessing over my pedometer app and calculating how many miles I’d walked that day, and let my body have the nourishment it so desperately needed, these monthly cravings significantly decreased. My body wasn’t crying out for chocolate any more. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely still get those urges to eat way more carbs than usual, but by choosing to eat lots of fish and nuts and oil and avocadoooos yeaaa (I used to think these were the devil. Way too much ‘good fat’), my body has the fuel it needs and so rather than inhaling a family size bar of galaxy, I’m now pretty content with my freddo. And if I do go a bit over board, so what? Balance my friend. What a wonderful thing  🙂

Oh, and if you want to know how it feels to be truly free, do yourself a favour and throw away your scales. Of course you’re gonna be half a stone heavier right before you come on! Weighing yourself is like a form of Chinese torture. Just don’t do it.

HEART YOU ALL & HAPPY BLEEDING.

Struggle Is A Choice

You are made of love.

You’re defined, at your very core, by love and all that is built from its foundations. Everything that’s good in your life stems from a place of love and anything considered ‘bad’ is just resistance to this force, identified as ‘problems’ which you’ve created in your mind.

Our inability to see the truth in this statement stems from our failure to understand that absolutely everything in this world is good. Pain, suffering, anger, resentment, fear; they are all illusions. These experiences are actually here for us, and without them we couldn’t grow, which is precisely what we are here to do; learn, nurture, grow, change and transcend. What you must understand is that in order for us to expand, we must first contract. Without these so called ‘problems’ nothing would ever change and the world would be at a standstill. These ‘problems’ we face are a gift given as an opportunity for us to unfold, and a gift is always given with love.

Let’s consider for a moment, how nature intended us to deal with these so called ‘problems’.

It’s just gone one o’clock and a big, old hungry cat is on his lunch break, roaming the African plains looking for a quick snack. He spots a pretty meaty looking gazelle, and ducks behind a rock, watching her as she unknowingly munches away on her patch of grass without a care in the world. As he creeps towards her he stands on a massive branch and it snaps under his big ol’ clumsy paw. “SHIT” he says, as the gazelle freezes mid mouthful, and looks over towards the rock where she can see a long, hairy tail sticking up out of the grass. As she makes a run for it, the cat comes flying towards her, tripping over his own feet, face plants in to the ground and then tries to style it out as the gazelle manages to escape with her precious little life.

Now, I think we’re pretty safe to assume the cat didn’t go home to his wife, sit down at the kitchen table with his head in his paws and relentlessly berate himself for missing his target. Did he blame it on the argument he had with his boss that morning, or on the fact that he just ‘wasn’t feeling himself’ that day? No. Do you reckon he went to bed and cried in to his hot chocolate, filled with nothing but self-doubt, and vowed never to hunt again? Course he bloody didn’t. Cats don’t drink hot chocolate. They get back up, and they try again. Only this time they do it better, they learn from their mistakes, they watch where they tread and make sure to tuck their tails in. And more importantly, they do what they set out to do all along; they catch that gazelle. It really is that simple.

As humans however, we tend to let our emotions get in the way. They literally act as a barrier that prevents us from seeing ‘problems’ as they really are; a blessing in disguise. If your boyfriend breaks up with you and you’re in total despair about the fact that he might meet somebody new, in this rage of jealousy and rejection (Which can quite often go on for months at a time), you fail to see the wonderful benefits that come with this long awaited fresh start. You can move in to your own place, finally able to enjoy the freedom and space you’ve so desperately needed for all these months. No more pubes sprinkled on the bathtub. No more dirty socks and wet towels lying around the flat. He was selfish in bed, a terrible cook and had the worst taste in music. His sister was a bitch. He always came home late and you think he was probably cheating. But your ego was so quick to forget all of this the second you were handed that big ol’ slice of rejection pie. Suddenly you find yourself remembering ONLY the good times, and sit on your kitchen floor downing a bottle of Sauvignon, sobbing because you lost ‘the man of your dreams.’ (Really?!)

Anyway, it’s from these rock-bottom moments that we find the very strength that will propel us towards some of the greatest successes in our lives. If there were no obstacles in this life, the opportunity to triumph over them would be eradicated entirely. We would quite literally be paralyzed. What a tediously dry existence that would be! Obstacles bring excitement and challenge; they provide a platform for our transformation. Exactly how would you have found the actual man of your dreams, if you hadn’t first endured all of the other unsuccessful applicants that came before him?

So yes, pain is unavoidable. We all know I’d be lying if I said you could live a long and happy life without experiencing the utter heartbreak that comes with the death of a loved one. The same inevitability can be applied to rivalry, drama, competition, jealousy, regret and despair. But each and every one of these obstacles brings with it the opportunity to practice some form of virtue; be it persistence, reason, modesty, kindness or compassion. The list goes on. Whilst pain is the inevitable truth of our existence, the choice between virtue and struggle is what will eventually decide our fate.(Basically, whether or not we’re gonna get our shit together or stay stuck in the same old rut for years on end,)

Struggle is a choice. Resistance to love is a choice. Beating yourself up for not getting the job is a choice. I don’t care whether you’ve taken refuge under your duvet with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s or you’re sitting at the bus stop listening to Sinead O’Connor’s greatest hits in the rain. THESE ARE ALL CHOICES. The power is in your hands. Either you take the pain, learn from it, and move the fuck on – stronger and wiser than before. Or you retreat to your bedroom, bursting with negativity, cry yourself to sleep and eventually end up living a sort of half-arsed existence where you quite simply don’t show up to your own life. Your relationships suffer, your constant pessimism is causing you to vibrate at the lowest possible frequency, self-sabotaging thoughts and the onslaught of negative energy attracting more of exactly the same stuff, until that one initial ‘problem’ winds up turning in to a sea of events that can only be describes as your own personal hell.

Look at that poor little banana man. Is that how you wanna be?

You were built to survive. You have every single little bit of strength that you could ever need to make it through any situation life decides to throw at you. You have the answer to every single question you could ever need to ask, right there inside of you. If you just took a moment to stop, shift your perspective and see the good in every situation, you would find everything you could ever need in order to transcend this illusion we call struggle, and break through to the other side; stronger, wiser, more compassionate and far better-off than ever before.

Some of the bravest and most empathetic people I’ve ever met are those that have felt the most pain in their lives, and they really do offer the most invaluable advice. They take their newly found knowledge and use it to guide those around them, helping them to find happiness they deserve, because they know exactly how it feels to be in those very shoes. Pain allows us to crack wide open and lets the light pour in. It inspires us and encourages healing. It allows us to approach future obstacles with humility and an open heart. Whenever you find yourself at rock-bottom, just remember to thank the high heavens for this perfect opportunity to feel so very deeply, and for the chance to discover the infinite strength you have inside you.

Whatever it is you’re battling today, just know that you are so much greater than its entirety. It’s so easy to feel suffocated by your life, and hopeless about your state of affairs. I’ve found that the best thing to do when you feel as though you’re about to be swallowed whole, is take yourself out of the picture completely. Imagine that this is happening to your best friend who you love with all of your heart. If they were in this exact situation, what would you say to them? What is the most loving, compassionate advice you could possibly give? Now direct those thoughts towards yourself. Treat yourself with as much love, respect and forgiveness as you deserve. Pick yourself up off the ground, and remember just how strong you really are.  What can you gain from the situation? How can it help you to grow as a person? How can you direct your thoughts outward, and how could the lessons you’ve learnt be used to help other people?

Stand up and show the world what you’re made of. Your next chapter awaits you 🙂

Why You Never Have to Panic Again

So it’s 4am, I have to be up for work in exactly 3 hours (Or 2 if I make the incredibly bold decision to wash my hair today) and I cannot sleep. Since sharing my blog post I’ve had so many people telling me that they are struggling with anxiety and panic, that they haven’t really told many people and feel like they are trapped. WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING TO EACH OTHER? Why do we think it’s acceptable to suffer in silence, with absolutely no idea what’s happening to us, and just desperately meander through life, forcing a smile through gritted teeth as though this is how it’s supposed to be. Why do we accept that this struggle is normal? It’s not! Life is meant to flow. It’s meant to be easy. Have you ever seen a flower grow towards the sunlight, then hit a fence and try to break through it? No. It doesn’t say “Er, sorry mate you’re in my way.” And then start a full blown argument with it. It takes the most natural route around the fence. No stress. This is what nature intended for us.

Now, we learn fears in two ways; by example and by experience. It’s that simple. If as a four year old child you witnessed your own Mother crying hysterically, arms flapping, cowering in the corner of the living room, all because she saw a daddy long legs… there’s a strong chance you’ll now associate spiders with Satan himself. You quite literally soaked up her emotions like the tiny little sponge that you were, and adopted them as your very own.

Alternatively, when we physically experience a traumatic event, we then quite naturally assume all future experiences associated with such an event will play out in the exact same way and thus develop the fear of it happening again. From personal experience this is exactly how I am with the tube. The tube stopped underground once, I was alone (Yet sandwiched between 450 sweaty bankers) and I started to panic. It honestly felt like I was drowning in a sea of suits and beards. Now every time I go to get the tube, my brain immediately reminds me of this event and I start to imagine it happening again. Not cool when you’re already 10 minutes late and end up doing an Irish jig at the top of the escalator, unsure of whether or not you might actually die on your commute to work.

When experimenting with different ways to handle my fears & panic attacks, I found personification to be an extremely useful tool. Each time you pick up a fear of something, imagine that fear as a person. A really annoying little gremlin child who just won’t leave you the hell alone, and follows you around asking if you have any games on your phone. Eventually he jumps on to your back and clings on for dear life, chatting away in your ear and weighing you the fuck down whilst you try to fight him off. The more fears you have, the more annoying little gremlin children you pick up along the way, until you’re too exhausted to get out of bed in the morning because you quite literally just feel TOO HEAVY and you haven’t slept because you’re sharing your bed with 19 small green men who will not. shut. up.

This is how we see our fears. Annoying, little, green, evil, man-children.

But when we actually stop for a moment and consider what our fears are really trying to do, we can see that they are not little gremlins that want to wind us up until we eventually explode. They are actually trying to save our lives. WE ASKED FOR THEM. We sensed danger, and they came running. Fears are actually on our side, who’d have thought it? Now consider it from this perspective. Each time we pick up a fear of something, imagine that fear as a person. A big, strong man on a horse (Ryan Gosling riding naked & bareback plz) with a huge sword, ready to save the day. Only when he arrives, there’s absolutely nothing for him to do. (Although I could think of a few things, ifyougetwhatimsayin’) Why? Because whatever ‘fear’ you’re imagining doesn’t exist. You did exactly that – Imagined it. And your body responded with those wonderful surges of unnecessary adrenaline. You see – your imagination is bloody powerful.

Essentially what you are doing  is a form of ‘creative visualisation’ and you are literally tricking your brain in to believing that whatever ridiculous scenario you’ve thought up in your mind, is actually happening in real time. Do you ever picture yourself tripping and falling flat on your face and feel that surge of embarrassment at the mere thought? That emotion you feel right there, that is energy. As is absolutely everything else in the entire Universe. The chair you’re sitting on, your toothbrush, the sun, the moon, a badger, your Grandma. It’s all just energy.

Here’s how it works.

Thought is a very fine, light form of energy and therefore can be changed very quickly and easily. Consider how easy it is to turn one single thought in to feelings of utter dread, and convince yourself you’re ‘having a heart attack’ or ‘about to die’ within the space of about 0.001 second. Now thoughts and feelings have their own magnetic energy which attracts energy of a similar vibration. This is physics lol. (I’m terrible at science so bear with me.) A great example of this energy in action would be those moments when you ‘accidentally’ run in to someone you’ve  literally been thinking about all week. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU JUST KNOW. And then it happens and you’re all weirded out like “I KNEW IT. What a bloody coincidence”. It’s not a coincidence. It’s energy.

Now when we create something (like panic – yay!) we always create it first in the form of an idea which acts as a sort of blueprint for what you’re about to experience in real time. This idea literally guides the energy flow into that form and eventually manifests in the here- and-now. I’m pretty sure 96% of you will have read about the ‘law of attraction’ in an attempt to get a brand, spanking new car on your drive. Well, this my friend, is the exact same thing. Whatever you think about, you attract. So if your mind is constantly living in the future rather than this exact moment right now (Where by the way, you are 100% safe) then you are actively choosing to go down the path of fear and anxiety. You and only you are in control of your thoughts. And I know that this fact alone can be pretty god damn scary, because you often think you could quite possibly be going bat shit crazy, but you’re not. You can train your brain to think wonderful, happy, anxiety-free thoughts all day every day, but it takes practice. Impatience will get you nowhere, so I beg you to stick at this.

It’s important to know why this takes so much practice and patience. And the answer lies in the science behind how our brain works. When I began to research in to and learn more about the inner workings of the brain, I could finally begin to comprehend exactly what was happening to me on a scientific level. (And it’s surprisingly comforting.)

The fact is, we live the majority of our lives on auto-pilot. We do the exact same shit every single day. Wake up at 7am, (press snooze), drag yourself to the bathroom, brush your teeth, strip down, stare at your boobs in the mirror, jump in the shower, get out, frantically blow dry your hair upside down, go to work (late), worry about life, come home, make dinner, watch 3 episodes of Dinner Date, trawl through Instagram while eating crumpets, genuinely wondering why you don’t have abs yet and then off to bed you toddle, only to repeat it all the next day. Inspiring stuff, I know.

Anyway, by demonstrating the exact same behaviours every single day, we end up having the exact same thoughts, choices, experiences and feelings…every single day.

In his AMAZINGLY simplified book “You are the Placebo” (for people who aren’t that great at Science but are interested in brains and ting) Dr. Dispenza says this, (It’s quite brilliant):

“Now take a look at your life for a moment. What does this mean for you? If you’re thinking the same thoughts as yesterday, more than likely, you’re making the same choices today. Those same choices today are leading to the same behaviours tomorrow. The same habitual behaviours tomorrow are producing the same experiences in your future. As a result, you’re feeling the same every day. Your yesterday becomes your tomorrow – so in truth, your past is your future.”

So basically, you’ve trained your brain every single day to act in a certain way without you even having to think about it. If fear and panic are part of this daily routine, then they are happening on a subconscious level. When we consider that 95% of our brains work on this subconscious level, choosing our thoughts and feelings for us based on past experiences, then that teeny weeny little 5% of your conscious mind that says “Oh don’t be stupid, there’s no need to panic” Is actually at a bit of a loss, don’t you think?

Let’s take for example the horrendous fear that you might be about to have a panic attack. You had one once, twice, a hundred times before, it doesn’t matter. The important point here is that you have a strong memory of a really bloody awful past event. Now when this particular really bloody awful past event happened, you actually changed the chemistry in your brain. Your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, feelings and perception of reality were all transformed through neurological rewiring and chemical re-signalling. (Fancy, eh?)

Now the more you think these thoughts, the more the brain fires its neurons which activate its wonderfully complex neural networks in the exact same sequences, and so the stronger they become. (Think of it like a gym for your thoughts.) Your brain is learning to act on auto-pilot, so worrying and panicking is literally becoming a natural, automatic response. In order to change this response, YOU MUST FIRST CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS.  By reinforcing your new ways of thinking through constant practice, your brain will begin to activate new neural networks, which will weaken the older, negative ones. Got it?

My previous post about Fear & the Ego can be accessed here and describes my favourite meditation techniques for overcoming anxiety.

Panic attacks are a little different. Let’s look at a few little tricks you can do to dissolve the fear quickly and easily, and how you can keep practicing these techniques until one day you wake up and realise you’ve not had one for weeks – and you’d been so wonderfully happy and preoccupied that you didn’t even notice. Can you smell the freedom? Woohoo.

Okay so…

Remember earlier when I compared our fears to Ryan Gosling riding naked & bareback on a horse?  I’m gonna run through this with my tube fear so you can see exactly how it works.

I’m sitting on the tube, and all of a sudden it stops underground in a horribly dark, smelly, rat infested tunnel. It’s the height of summer; everyone is crammed together and my face is dangerously close to a strange man’s armpit. I immediately assume that the train has malfunctioned and we will inevitably be stuck here for the rest of eternity. I have no water in my bag and rations of food will quickly become sparse. I have no phone signal down here, so I can’t call my parents and let them know that I am dying a slow and painful death. I’m vividly picturing my death certificate which reads, “Cause of death: suffocation by sweat patch.”
The more I try not to panic, the more the impending sense of doom wells up inside of me, and adrenaline is being pumped through my veins to help me fight or flee the scene which my body can only assume is  Meg Vs. an untamed, hungry lion. Only I’m stuck. Well and truly wedged, with nowhere to go. Suddenly I hear hooves in the distance, the entire tube gasps with delight as Ryan Gosling somehow manages to make his way down the tunnel, opens the doors,  fights his way through the crowds of people  until he’s finally standing, by my side, sword in hand, ready for battle. WHAT BATTLE? The tube sets off again, the adrenaline slowly drains away and I’m left with clammy hands, a rapid heartbeat and a knight in shining armor that I quite frankly didn’t need.

It’s pointless!! There is NO danger. There is nothing to fear but the fear itself. You are NOT DYING. Panic attacks cannot kill you. NO ONE HAS EVER DIED FROM HAVING ONE! And if it’s only the fear that you really fear… then the panic attack is literally as bad at the situation is gonna get.  And if you’ve survived one before, you’ll survive a hundred more. Only you don’t bloody have to.

A few more wonderful tips for surviving panic:

1. Fill your mouth with spit. (Gross I know, but the brain associates dry mouth with panic. So when you fill it with spit, it magically tells the brain everything is okay.)
2. BREATHE AMIGO. When you focus on your breathing you are present in the moment, so fear of the future cannot bother you. Focus intently on deep, slow breaths. Rapid breaths take in far too much oxygen and this just contributes to the panic.
3. Tense your whole body as much as you can, hold for 10 seconds and then let it go. When you let it go, it’s like all the tension has just been squeezed away. Works wonders.
4. Say out loud “I am safe.” Another great one that Wayne Dyer taught me (God rest his wonderful soul) was to say “I want to feel good!” out loud. It really works.

Anyway, let me know how you go. If Ryan Gosling isn’t your type feel free to replace him with which ever man/woman you wish, and if you’re not in to horses you can always substitute my guy for a goat. Get creative. Make yourself laugh. Stop taking life too seriously.

You can do this. HEART YOU A LOT. x

Because Dancing is Food for the Soul

“Dance, when you’re broken open. Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you’re perfectly free.”
― Rumi

Ahh my all-time, absolute favourite stress buster. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Beyoncé and I definitely have that whole ‘White Dad at a BBQ’ vibe happening on a night out, but there is literally nothing more therapeutic than a good ol’ dancing sesh in the comfort of your own home.

From personal experience I’ve found that this delightful activity is best enjoyed after a long bath or shower, whilst wrapped in a towel & sporting your trusty turban. Both of which you should absolutely expect to lose in the process. (If you’re not stark bollock naked 15 seconds in then you’re probably not doing it right.)

It doesn’t matter if you’ve had the worst day imaginable or you’re floating on cloud 9. We all need to release our emotions in one way or another and dancing is the perfect way to either escape the bad times, or celebrate all of the wonderful things you have to be grateful for. Either way, it’s been scientifically proven that dancing stimulates the release of endorphins so you pretty much can’t lose with this one.

Obviously that little voice in your head will try to intervene by assuming there’s a hidden camera somewhere in your room, and that you’re almost certainly being viewed by everyone you’ve ever come in to contact with. But there isn’t and you’re not, so relax.

If you think I’m talking about a half-hearted hip thrust when the chorus comes on then you are sadly mistaken my friend. I wanna say David Brent meets Napoleon Dynamite, only better. I want arms flailing, completely off beat. Shake ya tits, throw in the worm if you’re feeling adventurous. I genuinely want you to look like a fish on dry land.

I feel the best type of music for this particular freestyle genre is the most embarrassing song you can find. Like a guilty pleasure that is so guilty you actively avoid listening to it. Take from that what you will. And as I always say… Get creative.

I’ll leave the choice up to you as my opinion of the world’s most embarrassing song might just be your alarm tone, and I wouldn’t want to offend anyone. But I’ll throw in a little inspiration for good measure…These Turkish guys nail it.

Adios, Selfies!

So I’m about to publicly out myself and the secrets behind my entire selfie-obsessed existence over the past few years, but it has taken A MASSIVE realisation for me to finally reach this point and I think it’s about time that I shared my story, with the hope of helping people to understand how this self-proclaimed narcissism quite often really is just a cry for help, and does not always come from a place of over-confidence or self-security. Trust me. I’d know.

If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know that since the age of about 15 I suffered with an eating disorder, and whilst living in total denial about the fact that I was desperately lacking self-acceptance and love, I took to social media in a bid to create a cover-up for what I was doing behind closed doors. All those over-edited selfies that lead people to believe I was totally comfortable in my own skin, publicly displayed for every man and his dog to see (And like)… It was all bullshit. Taking a photo of yourself ‘Stuck in traffic’ with your tits pushed up to your chin and your fresh blow dry ‘on fleek’, then editing it on seventeen apps and posting it on Instagram is not empowering women. Selfies of this nature do nothing but reaffirm the twisted way society teaches women to believe that their most important quality is how physically attractive they are.

Just to be clear – I’m not referring to the kind of picture you take on a Tuesday night by the fire with your dog, so that you can update your friends and family on what a lovely life you lead. I’m talking about the staged, over-edited versions which scream “Please tell me how great I am so I can feel good about myself for the next 24 hours.” Regrettably, the effects of this short-lived ego boost do quickly subside and we end up right back at square one.

I think it’s fair to say that we only really take to Social Media when we are pretty bored, alone (Unless you’re one of those people who will happily sit around a dinner table with friends looking at coffee art on Pinterest), lying in bed unable to sleep or on the bus on the way to work… you get the picture. We do it during our down time, when we’re feeling otherwise unstimulated or because we’re lacking inspiration. But why then, do we actively choose to scroll through pages and pages of the best possible, half-truth portrayal of other peoples’ supposedly ‘perfect’ lives, as though this is going to make us feel any better about ourselves? I would often take to the account of ‘Skinny girls make graves’ (Don’t do It.) with the hope of finding the motivation I so desperately needed to get my ass off the couch. I was after a reason to actually use my £130 running shoes for something other than strolling to Sainsbury’s Local for donuts. But by comparing myself to these size zero women, I was literally just intensifying my initial feelings of not being good/thin/pretty/successful enough, and towards the fridge I would mindlessly wander, safe in the knowledge that I would ‘start tomorrow.’

I think there’s a pretty strong correlation between how shitty you feel in relation to how many selfies you post. Whenever I was feeling particularly crap I’d often post a selfie in the hope that some much needed compliments would boost my mood. (Sometimes I’d dig one out from the old ‘you didn’t quite make the cut this time, but I’ll reserve you for a later date’ files – you know, in case of an emergency. And then pass it off as though it was freshly snapped that day. Muahaha.) The same goes for those moments when I was feeling particularly wonderful, after several hours in the hair and make-up truck (My bedroom), with my professional MUA (Myself), and stylist (Myself), and location, lighting and camera men (Myself, myself & myself) I would begin. 1,573 photos later, when my iPhone would alert me that I had in fact run out of memory and was actually physically unable to take one more photo, I would begin the selection process. ‘Favouriting’ (I realise this isn’t a word) the best ones and witling them down to a select few that had been successful. Then comes the apps. Oh the apps. Shout out to ‘Perfect 365’ for making everyone believe I had blue eyes and was a size 6, instead of my real brown eyed size 10 self (‘oh the shame’), and we can’t forget to thank good ol’ ‘Plastic Surgery Simulator’ for my lovely little nose job. So several filters later, with a brand new body, some super imposed eyelashes and a horizontal flip (Because apparently I look better back to front) I was ready to post it for aaaaaall the worlllld to seeee. I would sit back, watching the likes pour in, and feel just wonderful. Then the next morning I would wake up and look in the mirror at my brown eyed size 10 self and bam, back to reality. “I know what I’ll do! I’ll start a new diet. I’ll only eat tuna for 6 days, and if I eat anything else I’ll just throw it up. And if I’m feeling really shit I’ll go to the gym twice a day, walk there and back obviously, and do some squats in the loo at work.” GOOD ONE. What a way to exist. Round and round it goes, on and on and on. The same old viscous circle. And the worst part? I WAS ADDING TO THE PROBLEM.

My unrealistic and altered photos were setting the worst example to other girls, girls younger than myself who would probably look at my page and assume that this was how I actually looked. No I did not ‘wake up like this’, I actually took this particular snap at 9pm on a Friday night before going out, following an intense hair & make-up session whilst I was still in my pyjamas. Pleaaaaaaaase I beg you don’t be fooled by this utter crap. It’s not real!!!

So after years and years and years of battling what seemed like it would be a never ending eating disorder, I finally had one of those light bulb moments. I’d been researching this foreign concept of ‘unconditional self-love’ that I’d read so much about, and soon began to see that I was living some sort of crazy double life. I, me, Megan – the real thing, was standing between one version of myself that was absolutely distraught about my appearance and concerned only with what other people thought about me, and the other version – some sort of manufactured Instagram ‘model’ (lol) that appeared to be living the most perfectly wonderful life with her perfectly wonderful eyebrows. And then I realised that I was existing through the needs of my tiny little ego. Poor old Meg, the authentic, lovely, kind, generous and eternally happy Meg, had been left behind and forgotten about. I’d been so caught up in this ridiculous ‘selfie-movement’, I’d literally forgotten who I was. It was feeding (Excuse the pun) my eating disorder on a daily basis, and it was driving me further and further in to what would eventually become a pretty deep depression.

The worst part is that these selfies take CREATIVITY. They really do! It’s a bloody art form, making yourself look almost unrecognisable. The amount of people who would tell me I looked ‘different in real life’ (*Cough* Better on Facebook) is brilliant. “Why thank you, I’m a Photo Shop wizard.” was something I just casually failed to mention, of course. But seriously, this creativity could be used for so much more. The second I realised what I’d been doing, and openly admitted that I was living nothing short of a lie through social media, I was able to consider all of the wonderful things I could have been doing with my time instead, and that’s when I began to write. I had completely forgotten about how much I loved to write, and saw that I could use all this wasted time obsessing about my appearance to be a part of something better. If I could do something I loved & help people at the same time… How wonderful would that be?! Remember when you were 14 years old and would stare longingly at the models in Cosmopolitan magazine and wonder why their skin looked so lovely and flawless? I do. Soon after I discovered the wonderful world of Photoshop CSI Version 47.9 (Or whatever it’s called) then that was it. My eating disorder began. The unrealistic expectations began. The constant struggle to be more and more aesthetically pleasing, the comparison with other girls, the competition, the sense of never quite being good enough. It all began.

Think for a moment about the little girls (and guys) that are growing up, immersed in this ‘selfie- movement’. THESE ARE AND WILL BE OUR VERY OWN CHILDREN. If beauty magazines were enough to kick-start my habit, imagine the damage these social media accounts are doing for their self-esteem. Kim Kardashian has published her very own book of selfies, and it really is genuinely titled… ‘Selfish’ (LOL, SERIOUSLY?) with 365 pictures of herself. One for every day of the year. How lovely. (Fortunately it has only sold about 17 copies so I’m not overly worried. But come onnnn.) These poor little lambs are growing up thinking that not only models, but also us mere mortals, are airbrushed to the high heavens, 100% of the time. The amount of eating disorders and cases of body-dysmorphia that exist today compared to five years ago is unbelievable. And we are doing nothing but encourage the problem.

Now I realise there is a counter-point to what I’m saying here, and as someone who would have previously fought for our right to take as many selfies as we damn well please, I understand the flipside to this argument. I do use Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and all of these Social Media sites for genuine inspiration. I absolutely love connecting with my friends and family through sharing videos of micro-pigs, photos of monkeys breast feeding dogs, articles about travelling, Jamie Oliver’s latest Asian steamed sea bass recipe (Hahaha just kidding. Terrible cook.), blogs about self-love, facts about space, Memes (I ADORE MEMES)… the list goes on. But this is the very thing we should be using it for, to create that sense of community and togetherness. To truly inspire one another, and lift each other’s moods. To share our funny stories and post things that will make each other laugh. To get mass attention for issues that desperately need awareness. Not to post the same, tedious photos of our faces, with the same, tedious pouts, over and over AND OVER again.

I genuinely believe that we were all put on this earth to help one another & to give back. I promise you, the minute that you stop taking photos of yourself in your bedroom and direct your time and creativity towards something a little more worthwhile, you will begin to light yourself up in ways you could never have imagined. Writing about my experiences and the decision to dedicate my life to helping people who are going through what I once did, that’s my way of giving back – and since I began on this journey, everything in my life has fallen in to place. I hope that the next time you go to pick up your phone, open your camera app and flip it to selfie-mode, or find yourself scrolling through the pages of ‘Squatspo’ on Instagram (You’re never gonna have an ass like Jen Selter, sorry)… you take a moment to think about what you could be doing instead. Text someone you love and let them know. Pick up the phone and call someone you haven’t seen in a while and arrange to meet up. Connect with people! Paint, dance, write, and create! Find what it is that truly fills you up, and then follow it with all your heart.